Hi guys, I know some have been waiting to see my response; I would label yall as nosey people lol jk. This is a New Year (Happy 2014) and a lot has changed. I am in my last semester of undergrad, and being a single mom with other duties is not easy, but no complaints here. I am trying to do much better with my blog posts. So please bear with me and please pray for me.
So, my last blog I decided to be a little open and transparent and share my experience with a failed relationship in my past (check out my last post to see part I).
So my testimony is that I did not give it up. I would be a lie if I said I waited willingly, but the truth is God closed that door because I was too weak and in my flesh to close it. I remember God telling me that He is the finisher of my faith and what He has started in me, He will be faithful to complete it. I remember when I started to struggle with this issue back then, God told me in my kitchen that He wouldn’t let me fall. At that time, I really didn’t fully understand what He meant by that. I thought He was specifically talking about not letting me fornicate, little did I know the fullness of what He was telling me for the future after I would consciously make the decision to sin. (God is all knowing!!! He told me this when I had no intentions of doing wrong, but He knew what temptation was ahead of me.) The door was closed by the guy telling me he wanted to be just friends and that he didn’t see a future for us. Even when I was surprised and in denial about the decision that was made, God wasn’t. He knew that day was coming when I would give in to temptation, make ungodly decisions, and play with fire, so he closed the guy’s heart to me so we both would not make that mistake. Going forward after the heartbreak, God had me create boundaries for my life. Standards for any other guy who would come into my life. Not just a guy in a romantic relationship, but any person that decides to be a part of my life. Now I am a living testimony. I can encourage other young, and older people, and future generations to come that they can wait with God’s help and it’s worth the wait.
A few years ago, someone told me they were 5 years celibate and I thought to myself, God, don’t forget about me and don’t let me wait that long lol. Well, I’m at my 5 year mark of being celibate and I can honestly say I don’t have the urges or struggles to give myself away anytime soon till after marriage. Five years seems like a long time to wait, but I’m here to tell you that it is possible and I’m still waiting. I totally depend on God’s grace and mercy to do that, but I also do my part by choosing to guard my heart and guard my mind so I won’t feed my flesh to be tempted. I guard myself by being careful of the places I go. I also guard myself by the people I hang around and in the company I keep. No, I am NOT holier than thou, but I know and understand the strongholds and I REFUSE to be entangled AGAIN in that sexual struggle. My heart was very hurt when God closed that door. I was broken and brought low for God to build me up. I was clueless and I felt hopeless, but God had a plan all along and it was He who closed that door. His perfect will, will be completed in my life. His desire was not for me to experience His permissible will, but to experience His perfect will in my life. I’m better than I was before. My pain was used to bring God glory. I love me and the things around me. God is totally awesome and He takes real good care of me. He shows me daily that He is my Husband, Father, and Friend. God is everything to me and I am in love with Him. The love I feel now is unconditional love and no man could have given it to me like God. So people, wait on God.
Don’t do something to please the flesh because you’re going to suffer later and plus its sin. It’s sin to do something you know is wrong and still do it. We forget the fear of God and only think of His kindness and grace, but there are consequences to our choices. A dog can’t expect to roam the streets and not come back home with fleas. Why do we think as Christians we can go out and roam the world and come back still pure? I thank God all I got was a broken heart, which was the worst feeling I ever experienced and don’t wont to experience ever again, but I know people who went out and came back with HIV, a baby, STDs, and a broken heart. People we have to make better choices and intentionally live for God. We need the reverence of God back into our lives. God will spit us out if we are lukewarm. It’s dangerous to be content in a lukewarm state. Don’t get me wrong, God’s grace is sufficient and His perfect will is made perfect in our weakness, but we can’t intentionally go out and sin. The word of God says, don’t be deceived, God is not mocked. Whatever you sow, you SHALL reap. The devil tries to “fix” up your testimony for you only to let you fail and bring self-condemnation, shame, and fear on you. I remember in the decision stage of me debating on whether to give it up, this LIAR (the devil) told me that ‘’it will be okay if this person and I don’t marry and still have sex. That I could use this experience as my testimony and even if we didn’t make it to marriage, it’ll be ok still because I could use this as my testimony to help others and my testimony would be more powerful then AFTER the fall”. Ha, how dumb and deceiving is he! Thank God for His wisdom and caring grace. Don’t let the cares of this world and temptation of sin rob you of what God has for you. You are worth so much to God and He truly has a plan and future for you. If you are struggling with any issue or temptations, ask God for help. Reach out to others and let God speak into your spirit. Maybe it’s not the right time for you to be in a relationship or take that certain career. The bible says, what profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul. Take care of your soul and don’t let the world corrupt you. In God, you will have peace and joy. You’re not made for sex or sin, you’re made for God’s glory.
I shared my testimony to encourage anyone who would read this blog and not to bash or put other’s business out. So nevertheless, I give all praise and glory to God and my life is His for Him to use. So please read and comment and let me know what you think and share your testimony. How has God brought you out of a pit? Be blessed.
(If you need prayer, please email me and I’ll be glad to pray for you. We are our brother and sister’s keeper. (email@example.com))